How to Tell if your Grandma is Polish

Grandmothers are awesome in general, and Polish grandmothers are among the most loving and unique on earth.

In case you’re not sure if you have a Polish grandmother, here are some tell-tale signs:

It’s 80 degrees outside, and she tells you to put on a jacket:

kid bundled upPolish grandmothers care for their grandchildren very much, and they don’t want them getting sick. This often results in an obsessive fear that it’s always “cold” outside. A light summer breeze will result in a chest cold, while a few drops of rain are sufficient to induce pneumonia. As a result, young Polish or Polish-American children are often overdressed for the weather. So the next time you see a child wearing a hood when everyone else has shorts on, there’s a decent chance he has a Polish grandmother.

You’re always skinny and need to eat more:

Are those ground pierogies?

Are those ground pierogi?

Even if you’re six years old and weigh 350 pounds, you’re still skin and bones for your Polish grandmother. The phrase “Jedz więcej” (eat more) is all too commonly heard by people with Polish grandmothers. She wants you to be healthy and strong, so as long as she’s watching, you’d better down those pierogi like it’s no one’s business.

You WILL be at church on Sunday:

A Polish grandmother cares for her grandchild’s eternal soul as much as she cares for his/her physical body. So you’d better be at church on Sunday, the earlier the better. If you’re not, hell awaits…when you see your Polish grandmother again.

She buys you clothes without any regard for style:

polish dress

Not a kid, but you get the point.

For Polish grandmothers, the main function of clothes is, well, to clothe. Style is irrelevent. Remember, Polish grandmothers grew up in communist Poland—where clothes wore you. The result of all this? Let’s just say a certain Polish guy remembers receiving very girlish-looking sweaters and long underwear as a little kid.

You mean the world to her:

BABUSHKAThey say that grandmothers love their grandchildren more than their children. This couldn’t be more true when it comes to Polish grandmothers. They’ll stick up for you no matter what. When you come home from the world’s stresses and problems, they’ll have a nice hot bowl of soup (or three) waiting, even before you manage to take your hood off.

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12 thoughts on “How to Tell if your Grandma is Polish

  1. Everything about this post is spot on! My grandmother had a Sicilian mother and a Polish father, so I am a couple generations down the line but you really hit the nail on the head here. Love your blog!

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  2. Pingback: Strange Things Only Polish People Will Understand: Part 1 | Crazy Polish Guy

  3. My babcia will always make more food than we ask for, it’s so sweet. Just an egg for breakfast? Okay, she will make you two eggs and toast.
    One memory that sticks out in my mind is fretting over what to wear one morning while we were visiting her. She turned to my mother and said, “Oh, but she is beautiful no matter what she wears.” I tear up thinking about it.
    She also didn’t understand why my sister and I had our ears pierced, which is sort of funny because we had it done as babies and didn’t even take part in the decision, and thus didn’t have an explanation for her.

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  4. We lived with my grandparents, in Pa. until I was 3. My parents took me on a road trip to my mom’s parents house, in Arkansas, when I was around 3 months old. My grandparents came along on the trip with us, to watch over their grandbaby, following in their car behind us. It was August, and my grandmother insisted I had a sweater on, and my parents had to have the car windows only open a Crack, so the air coming in wouldn’t get me sick. It was 1960, so no AC in the car. My mom said it was so hot in the car. My mom said my grandmother was very dominant in how she dressed me and if I could go outside or not. My dad is Polish, my mom is not, so my grandmother’s ways where tough, for my mom.

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