Grandmothers are awesome in general, and Polish grandmothers are among the most loving and unique on earth.
In case you’re not sure if you have a Polish grandmother, here are some tell-tale signs:
It’s 80 degrees outside, and she tells you to put on a jacket:
Polish grandmothers care for their grandchildren very much, and they don’t want them getting sick. This often results in an obsessive fear that it’s always “cold” outside. A light summer breeze will result in a chest cold, while a few drops of rain are sufficient to induce pneumonia. As a result, young Polish or Polish-American children are often overdressed for the weather. So the next time you see a child wearing a hood when everyone else has shorts on, there’s a decent chance he has a Polish grandmother.
You’re always skinny and need to eat more:
Even if you’re six years old and weigh 350 pounds, you’re still skin and bones for your Polish grandmother. The phrase “Jedz więcej” (eat more) is all too commonly heard by people with Polish grandmothers. She wants you to be healthy and strong, so as long as she’s watching, you’d better down those pierogi like it’s no one’s business.
You WILL be at church on Sunday:
A Polish grandmother cares for her grandchild’s eternal soul as much as she cares for his/her physical body. So you’d better be at church on Sunday, the earlier the better. If you’re not, hell awaits…when you see your Polish grandmother again.
She buys you clothes without any regard for style:
For Polish grandmothers, the main function of clothes is, well, to clothe. Style is irrelevent. Remember, Polish grandmothers grew up in communist Poland—where clothes wore you. The result of all this? Let’s just say a certain Polish guy remembers receiving very girlish-looking sweaters and long underwear as a little kid.
You mean the world to her:
They say that grandmothers love their grandchildren more than their children. This couldn’t be more true when it comes to Polish grandmothers. They’ll stick up for you no matter what. When you come home from the world’s stresses and problems, they’ll have a nice hot bowl of soup (or three) waiting, even before you manage to take your hood off.