First, let’s be clear, Polish grandmothers are the greatest you could ask for, but we all know they have funny quirks and reactions to certain things. It’s with this in mind, that I bring you the 7 things that drive Polish grandmothers crazy.
When you’re too skinny:
The word skinny has a very broad definition in the Polish grandmother lexicon. It would probably be safe to say that anyone under 300 pounds is too skinny, but I’m sure there are Polish grandmothers who would expand that interpretation to 400 pounds.
The point is, you will always be too skinny for your Polish grandmother, and she will always want you to stuff your face with more pierogi. It’s a battle you cannot win, so don’t even try.
When it’s windy outside and you’re not wearing a jacket:
To your Polish grandmother, wind is a carrier of disease, destruction and death, even if it’s a light summer breeze. So if it’s 65 degrees out and you’re wearing short sleeves, be prepared to account for your actions when your Polish grandmother sees you.
She’ll probably yell, “Ubierz się, bo zmarzniesz!!!”
When you don’t finish everything on your plate AND on the table:
This ties in with the too skinny pet peeve. One does not simply finish dinner when his or her Polish grandmother is watching. Even if you clean your plate, she’ll still be upset that more food remains on the table which you are not taking advantage of.
Should you happen to finish all food on said table, your Polish grandmother will smile and bring you more food which she was saving in the pot on the stove.
When you’re not completely manhandling your competition in your school or work life:
If you have a Polish grandmother, you need to be THE BEST. THE VERY BEST. This goes for all aspects of life. It’s normal for your parents and grandparents to want you to succeed, but your Polish grandmother wants you to be a god.
So if you have a masters degree, you’d better be applying for that PhD program. If you are vice president of a multinational company, be prepared to justify why you are not president.
When you cough or sneeze…once:
You and your Polish grandmother are sitting at a table. Suddenly, some dust flies into your nose and you sneeze. As far as your Polish grandmother is concerned, you now have Ebola.
She will immediately ask, “Co ty tak kichasz?” and warn you not to go out because you’re sick and you don’t want to make it worse. Indeed, she will not be satisfied until you are in bed resting and sipping hot tea.
When you watch anything violent on TV:
If you’re a fan of action or horror films, don’t reveal that side around your Polish grandmother since all such movies are a bad influence and represent the work of the devil. In fact, if you’re watching Star Wars Episode I, Darth Maul might be confused with the devil—not saying that did or didn’t ever happen.
When you have allowed any kind of food or drink to wystygnąć (cool off):
One of the worst things you can do in front of your Polish grandmother is let your food or drink get cold. It’s like it becomes poison when it’s not scorching hot. Even if you are personally ok with eating lukewarm soup, your Polish grandmother will insist that it be warmed up at once.
As a result, such products as iced tea and cold cereal are abominations to your Polish grandmother and should be discontinued immediately.
Any other pet peeves of Polish grandmothers? Comment below!